How To Tell Your Children That You Are Getting A Divorce

Getting a divorce can be a challenging process for any relationship. When children are involved, it can make the situation a bit more complicated. You may be wondering; how can we tell the children? When do we tell our children? What do we say to them to make this as least painful as possible?

Here are some helpful tips that may help ease your situation:

1. Sit down with each other and decide on when the best time would be to tell your children. Should you tell them before or after your divorce is finalized? Make sure that you are 100% that you are following through with the divorce before you tell your children. You need to be unified parents and on the same page as much as possible for the benefit of your children. Having a family meeting can be most helpful with both parents present. Pick a time when both you and your spouse feel emotionally ready to share the news. You will both need to put your emotions aside (which I know can be difficult) and think about what is best for your children.

2. Avoid sharing information that is harmful to your children. Some details are not necessary to share with your children and often times the child will become confused. It doesn't matter who initiated the divorce or what happened. By sharing too much information may cause more harm to your child and the relationship they have with either parent. Tell them what they need to know (Where will they be living? When will they see each parent? Will they continue to stay at their current school?).

3. Be open in answering any questions your children have but refrain from blaming the other parent. Blaming each other for the divorce in front of your child or telling them whose "fault" it is may force the child to feel like they need to choose a parent's side. The goal is for the child to continue to grow their relationships with both mom and dad. Both parental figures have important roles in a child's life for them to thrive in the current divorce situation. Keep your thoughts to yourself or seek support from friends, family or a professional counselor.

4. Try to understand your child's feelings towards the divorce and listen to them when they want to talk. Put yourself in your child's shoes: how would you feel if your parent's told you that they were getting a divorce and wouldn't be living together anymore? Everything they once knew is going to be changing. Help your child process their thoughts and feelings and reassure them that you both love them and that this was not their fault. Many children think that when their parents are getting a divorce that it is something they did. Make sure to reenforce that the reason for the divorce is nothing to do with anything they said or did and that it is between mom and dad.

5. Communication is key. As difficult as it may be, having clear communication with one another is the most beneficial for the children during a divorce situation. Letting each other know how the kids are doing and working with one another for scheduling and conflicts is helpful. Try to work together and be unified in establishing boundaries and expectations for one another and for the children. Predictability is helpful for everyone involved. If there are things you don't agree upon, communicate with one another and try to resolve the issues before things escalate.

6. Self-care for both parties. Each of you need to stay as calm as possible and make sure that you take care of yourselves. Divorce brings a range of emotions and it is important that you are taking care of yourself both physically and mentally in order for everyone to get through this challenging time. Make time to do things for yourself as you work thorough the grief process.

If you feel like you are struggling with various emotions of divorce or need help finding ways to facilitate various areas of divorce (telling your children, identifying ways for parents to work together, or children having a difficult time with divorce), seek a professional counselor's help.

Life Balance Counseling in Schaumburg has several counselors that help work with divorce situations. Feel free to call our office at 888.234.7628 or info@lbcounseling.com

Helping A Loved One With Anxiety

It is a normal part of life to worry. But when the worrying interferes with your job, family, friends, and other activities, you may have an anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders can cause physical symptoms such as headaches, nausea, sweating, heart palpitations, insomnia and other concerns that impact your day to day functioning. 

It can be difficult for family and friends to know how to support someone that is experiencing anxiety. You may not know what to say to make it better or how to help talk someone out of having a panic attack. The good news is that with treatment and your support, your loved one can overcome anxiety symptoms that impact both of your lives. 

Some recommendations to help a loved one with anxiety:

Don't Be Judgmental. Try to be as supportive, understanding, empathetic, and patient as you can be. Try not to minimize your loved one's feelings and experiences and remember that it takes time for an individual to learn tools to help them cope with their anxiety. 

Encourage your loved one to seek professional help from a Professional Counselor, Psychologist, or Psychiatrist. If you are unsure of whether your loved one has an anxiety disorder, a professional can help you identify their diagnosis and create a treatment plan to help lessen the impact of anxiety. This is also helpful in gaining support from a non-judgmental professional that has experience with treating anxiety.

Get informed about anxiety. Try to learn as much information about anxiety disorders and symptoms so that you have a better understanding about what anxiety is and try to put yourself in their shoes. Knowledge is power!

Take Care of Yourself. Supporting someone with an anxiety disorder can be difficult so it is extremely important to take care of yourself to avoid burnout. Build your own support network and learn healthy ways to cope with your stress.

A professional counselor can help you learn ways to cope with anxiety. If you are looking for counselor in Schaumburg, please call our office at 888.234.7628 or contact us online.
 

Creating A Safe Grieving Space

Going through grief is one of the most challenging times in someone's life. You may be experiencing a range of thoughts and emotions that are difficult to cope with. By creating a Safe Grieving Space, you allow yourself to feel comforted in an area that is safe to process hurtful thoughts and feelings. Find an area in your house where you can process your grief. You can create a space where you feel relaxed with pictures, candles, flowers, scents, pillows or anything meaningful that can help guide you through your grief process.

Once you have created your space, dedicate 10-15 minutes a day to process through your thoughts and feelings. This will help you move along your grieving journey and help you find inner peace. You may be thinking, what should I do in my Safe Grieving Space? A couple of suggestions to get you started is do some deep breathing, meditation, or praying. Play some light music and journal about your thoughts and feelings towards your loved one's passing. You may also take this time to look at old pictures or keepsakes, or maybe you can take this time to create a Memory Book.

The goal is for you to create a safe grieving space that makes you feel comfortable and really make it your own. Allow yourself to be in touch with your inner thoughts and feelings and try to make peace with your loss.

How Does The Holiday Season Impact Your Emotions?

The holiday season can be a time where one experiences both positive and negative emotions. These emotions can range from excitement and happiness because it is a time of being with your friends and family and celebrating family traditions. On the other hand, some individuals during this time of year may experience depression, anxiety and elevated levels stress with the increased events, organizing and getting things prepared for the holidays. Additionally, this time of the year may be challenging for individuals and families that have lost a loved one. Although the holiday season can impact your emotions and increase stress, there are a few suggestions that you can use to gain balance during the holidays.

Identify your limitations and reach out for help. If you are starting to feel overwhelmed and exhausted you may need to take a break. I know it can be difficult to take some time to relax when you have a never ending list of things you "should" or "could" be doing. Listen to your body, if you are starting to feel exhausted take a some time to read a book, exercise or do something you enjoy and then return to your to-do list. You will be able to be more productive once you have taken time to relax your body. Don't be ashamed to ask your friends and family for help if you need it. If you are hosting a dinner or event ask your guests to bring a dish. This will help you feel less overwhelmed with things you need to do.

Most importantly, allow yourself to feel various emotions during this time of year. If you are grieving, allow yourself to feel sadness or anger. Try your best to find emotional balance and don't let your negative emotions prevent you from experiencing the joy the holiday season brings. If you feel like you are struggling with moving past the negative emotions you are experiencing, seek support from family members, friends, or a counselor that can teach you coping skills.