Self-Love

 It’s officially February, meaning that wherever you look there are big red hearts, Valentine’s Day sale emails, flowers, candy aisles, and CHOCOLATE! During this season, there is so much emphasis on our love for those we care about, but what about you? When is the time to give yourself love and appreciate who you are as a person? If you ask me, it should be every day. So often, we forget about filling our own cup and loving who we see reflected back at us in the mirror.

We live in a world where the marketing industry floods your social media feeds with posed questions that make you question yourself. There are influencers advertising what they hated about themselves that was corrected by product A and how for only $89.99 a month, you can fix it too. We take this information back to the mirror with us and sometimes become more aware of the “flaws” instead of what we love about ourselves.

Society has also tried to market self-love and self-care, coining the term “Treat Yourself” to make you overindulge in things and possibly lead you to another stressor, financial debt.  Self-love and self-care may sometimes be big things, but it needs to be within reason. Loving and taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be the big chore that society may make it appear to be. Many times, I’ll ask clients in an initial session what Self-love and Self-Care practices they use, if any. I get a wide variety of responses: Luxurious bubble baths, shopping sprees, vacations, hair and nails, etc. When I think of some of the responses, I follow up with the question “So how does this relax you or make you feel loved?” Some have answers, others struggle and say it works in the moment but then causes stress. For those that say it stresses them out, they justify that these things cost a lot of money, take a while to plan, they don’t have the time, or they even feel guilty for taking time for themselves when they have so many other people to take care of or items on their agenda. That’s where I come in.

Self-love and self-care does not have to be a chore. You are not wrong for filling up your own cup with love for yourself. You deserve the same rest as you would hope your loved ones take. Something about me is I love to travel, so I am very familiar with the safety presentations before takeoff. The part that always stand out is “Please apply your own oxygen mask before assisting others.” Now apply that same practice to self-love and self-care. You have to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally before you can fully be there for another person. I am here to provide you with some ideas on how to do this so you can be fulfilled in this season of your life and learn some skills to take throughout the rest of your life.

Self-Love

Self-love is defined as “The regard for one’s own well-being and happiness”. Take a moment to think about when the last time was that you thought about your own well-being and happiness. When was it? Last week? Before you had kids? Maybe you have gone through life only thinking about how to take care of others and their happiness. Self-love is very important. You are worthy and deserving of love, and this love does not have to come from another person. Here are some techniques you can personally use to practice self-love in your daily life.

Journaling

Sometimes when life gets busy or stressful, we lose sight of ourselves. Journaling is a great way to reconnect with yourself. The following are a few prompts one can use.

All About you

Write about what you know about yourself in regards to the following categories: I am…, I have…, I love…, My strengths…, My pet peeves…, I aspire to.., and I admire my…

Doing this exercise can help you explore parts about yourself that you may have lost sight of. Remind yourself who you are and fall in love with that person. If negative thoughts appear, consider tracking the thoughts so you can explore them with your therapist.

Self-Reflection

Pick a couple of the prompts listed. Focus on the positive aspects of yourself and reflect on the special parts that make you, you.

·       What does happiness mean to you?

·       What are my best qualities?

·       How can you feel more fulfilled in your life?

·       What is your favorite physical characteristic that you have?

·       What do you love about your personality?

·       What are 10 things guaranteed to make you smile?

·       What is a moment that made you feel proud of yourself?

Be your own Best Friend

Consider the negative things you tell yourself. Sometimes we can be really mean to ourselves. Now, think about telling your best friend the negative things you tell yourself. Maybe it’s “You look awful today”, “Everyone will notice how gross your hair looks”, “No one likes you.”, etc. It can be unfathomable to even think about saying that to a friend, so why do we say it to ourselves and think it’s ok? For this prompt, talk to yourself how your best friend would talk to you. For the negative things you tell yourself, write about what your best friend would counter with.

Affirmations

Another way to express Self-love is through speaking kindly to yourself and being your own cheerleader. Many times, we get trapped in a negative cycle of picking on ourselves. We are our own worst critic, so change it. This practice may take time to work as it may take repetition in order for you to truly believe what you are telling yourself. Look up some self-love affirmations. Some examples are: “I am beautiful”, “I am worthy of love”, “I am caring”, “I deserve to relax”, “I love myself unconditionally”, and “I am enough just as I am”. Add this practice to your daily routine. One way to implement this is putting up post-it notes of affirmations on your mirror or planner. Another way is to verbalize these affirmations while driving, taking a shower, doing your hair, etc.

Implement Positive Habits

Lack of self-love can often spiral from negative behaviors. You may hate that you’re always late, so practice leaving earlier. Maybe you hate sitting at home, so find something that you find enjoyable that gets you out of the house. You may feel sluggish or weak, so try to implement a diet rich in nutrition and try to move your body at least a half hour each day. If you don’t like something, then try to change it so you get the result you actually want. Find fulfillment in being your own hero and solving common issues you may encounter throughout your day. A book I strongly recommend about building lasting positive goals and habits in life is called “Atomic Habits” By James Clear.

With all of these ideas, start small. The trick to forming a habit is making it manageable. Like I expressed earlier, practices of self-love do not have to be extravagant in order to be useful. Take small steps to where you want to go. Maybe start by picking one journal prompt each week. Or start getting up from your desk every couple hours to stretch, walk around, or get some sunshine. Progressively build your self-love practices into your daily routine so you can be more confident in who you are.

 Written By: Ashley Treder, MS, LPC

The Emotional Effects of Nostalgia

Nostalgia is a powerful and universal emotion that often takes us on a journey through our emotional past. It's a complex feeling that often leaves us with a mix of emotions that can be bittersweet, yet incredibly significant for our mental well-being.

Understanding Nostalgia

Nostalgia is a unique blend of emotions that occur when we look back on our personal history. It's more than just reminiscing; it's a deep and often sentimental longing for the past. Nostalgia can be triggered by various stimuli, such as familiar scents, music, photographs, or even specific locations.

The Emotional Effects of Nostalgia

1. Comfort and Connection

Nostalgia has a way of making us feel comforted and connected. It reminds us of simpler times when things may have seemed easier or happier. This sense of comfort can provide emotional stability during challenging times, offering a feeling of safety and security. Nostalgia can also foster a sense of connection with others who share similar memories, creating a stronger sense of community.

1. Joy and Happiness

One of the most common aspects of nostalgia is the happiness it can bring. When we reminisce about joyful moments from the past, our brain releases those feel-good chemicals, such as dopamine, which boost our mood. Nostalgia can be a source of joy, allowing us to relive some of our favorite memories and experience the positive emotions that are associated with them.

1. Melancholy and Longing

Nostalgia is not always about happiness, as it can also stir up feelings of sadness and longing. We may find ourselves yearning for the times or people in which we are unable to return to. This sense of loss can be emotionally challenging. It's important to recognize and accept these melancholic feelings while understanding that they are a natural part of the nostalgia experience.

1. Growth and Self-Reflection

Nostalgia isn't solely about living in the past. It can be a powerful tool for self-reflection and personal growth. When we revisit the past, we gain insight into our own development and learn from our experiences. This can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves and help us make positive changes in our lives.

The Connection Between Nostalgia and Mental Health

When experienced in moderation, nostalgia can be a valuable coping mechanism for stress, anxiety, and even depression. The positive emotions associated with nostalgia can serve as a buffer against the negative effects of stress and can provide comfort and support during difficult times. However, it's essential to strike a balance. Excessive dwelling on the past can lead to an unhealthy preoccupation with nostalgia and hinder personal growth. It's important to use nostalgia as a tool for reflection, rather than as a means to escape from the present or avoid facing present day challenges.

 By: Erika Katzenmayer

Service Animals

From the Fall of 2022, there are an estimated 500,00 service dogs in the United States of America. There are, most likely, more active service dogs within the United States today due to this data being a year old. Given this information, people do not know fully what a service dog or animal is for, how to obtain one, how much they cost, how long training can take, and the rights that individuals with disabilities have when it comes to having a service animal. According to the ADA, “Service animals are defined as dogs that are individually trained to do work or perform tasks for people with disabilities.” Usually people are able to tell which animal is a service animal based on the uniform that they wear. However, there are varying different types and subtypes of working animals that people may not be aware of or can get confused by.

Types of working animals:

§  Service Animal: Service animals are defined as dogs that are individually trained to do work or perform tasks for people with disabilities. (ADA Website).

§  Emotional Support Animal: any animal that provides emotional support alleviating one or more symptoms or effects of a person’s disability. 

§  Comfort Animal: animals that work during active crises. They offer a calming distraction to those impacted by an active disaster or emergency.

§  Therapy Animal: animals provide people with healing contact, typically in an institutional or clinical setting (Hospitals, mental health institutions, hospices, and schools), to improve their physical, social, emotional, or cognitive functioning.

Individuals with a disability may use and interact with working animals for a variety of reasons. However, only dogs who have received specialized training to perform a specific task or tasks for an individual with a disability are considered service animals.  This is the key difference between a service animal and all other types of working animals, including therapy animals, comfort animals, and emotional support animals. Unlike emotional support animals (which are a wide range of animals like cats, horses, dogs, pigs, rabbits, etc.), the only legal service animal is a canine or a miniature horse. There is no limit on breed or size for a service dog. However, some breeds are more common due to their” general characteristics.” For example, Golden Retrievers and Labrador Retrievers are commonly seen as having calm temperaments and typically get along with other animals and people nicely, and German Shepard, Poodles, Pomeranians, and Collies have been seen to be loyal, friendly, and enjoy working. Although these breeds are the most common, there is no laws or much research that prevent or say that any other breeds are not capable of being trained to be service animal. There are many different skills that service dogs can be trained to do, and each service dog is trained to assist with their owner’s needs.

Types of Service Dogs:

§  Allergy Detection Dogs: These dogs are specially trained to detect and alert to the odor of allergens, such as peanuts, gluten, or eggs.

§  Autism Service Dogs (Sensory Signal Dogs): Frequently paired with children, autism service dogs are trained to help people navigate social settings. Dogs make for the perfect icebreaker and can provide a sense of predictability and comfort for people with autism. Autism service dogs are trained to keep children with autism from running away and can also track them if they do run off. They can also interrupt harmful behavior or alert the parents of a child with autism to a potentially dangerous situation. They also can help with those who have difficulty sleeping.

§  Diabetic Alert Dogs: These service dogs are specifically trained to alert their person to potentially deadly blood sugar highs (hyperglycemia) and lows (hypoglycemia).

§  Guide Dogs: Perhaps the most commonly known type of service dogs, guide dogs help blind and low-vision individuals navigate the world. These dogs typically wear a special harness with a handle for their owner to grasp, rather than a vest.

§  Hearing Dogs: hearing dogs are trained to assist their deaf and hard-of-hearing partners. When the dog hears a particular cue, they alert their owner and lead them towards the noise. These cues include smoke or fire alarms, doorbells, door knocking, phones, alarm clocks, and even the person’s name.

§  Seizure Alert Dogs: These service dogs assist individuals before, during, and after seizures. This includes:

§  Finding help for their person or calling 911 with a K-9 alert phone.

§  Helping their partner regain consciousness after a seizure.

§  Physically moving their person if they have a seizure in an unsafe place.

§  Using deep pressure stimulation to end their partner’s seizure early.

§  Bringing medicine to their person as they come out of a seizure.

§  Psychiatric Service Dogs: These companion dogs are specifically trained to help individuals who suffer from things like depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). They’re able to sense a change in their owner when they’re about to experience negative symptoms, such as an anxiety attack or a flashback.

§  Owning a service dog can force people with depression and/or anxiety to take care of themselves and get out into the world.

§   Psychiatric service dogs can serve as a physical barrier between their owner and other people, helping to preserve their personal space.

§  Mobility Assistance Dogs: Many people with disabilities rely on mobility assistance dogs to help them perform everyday tasks. This includes retrieving objects, opening doors, pressing automatic door buttons, and turning on lights. Mobility support dogs are typically partnered with people who have things like:

§  Spinal cord injuries

§  Brain injuries

§  Muscular dystrophy

§  Arthritis

§  Cerebral palsy

Obtaining a service animal can be a very long and expensive process. Many people may feel they would benefit from having a service dog either for themselves or for a loved one, but do not know how to begin the process or are concerned with being able to afford it. Some places where individuals can get a service animal would be from a Non-Profit Organization, Service Dog Trainers, training a service dog yourself, or adopting a failed service dog (“career change dogs”). The National Service Animal Registry estimates that a service dog costs a minimum of $17,000. Many service dogs cost upward of $20,000 to fully train. Some of the most expensive service dogs cost $50,000 to train. Some non-profit organizations are able to give dogs away for free, but they often have long waiting lists because of this. Other charitable organizations may not be able to give dogs away for free, but they do provide service dogs at a reduced cost. It’s not unusual to be charged $8,000 – $10,000 for such a dog. Professional dog trainers who specialize in service animals charge between $150-$250 per hour (depending on your area), and their fees may vary based on the different services they need to teach the dog.

Affordable Options for service animals:

§  Insurance

§  Unfortunately, health insurance plans almost never cover the cost (or even part of the cost) of getting a service dog. However, if you have a flexible spending account (FSA), then you may be able to use it toward a service animal, but you will need a letter of medical necessity from your doctor to do so.

§  Grants

§  Grants are funds that you do not have to pay back. There are many non-profit organizations that offer grants to people with disabilities who are looking to get a service dog. The grant may not always cover the entire price of the dog, but it can definitely help offset the overall cost.

§  Fundraising

§  Fundraisers are one of the oldest methods of raising money for a cause. Thanks to the internet, fundraisers can reach an even wider audience.

§  Not only are there platforms like GoFundMe designed for collecting donations, but social media is a great way to spread the word about a fundraiser. Even if people aren’t able to donate, they can still help by clicking “share.”

§  Aside from online fundraisers, you can host fundraisers locally. Try reaching out to churches, businesses (especially employee-owned or small businesses), or other community organizations to see if they’d be willing to help.

§  Oftentimes, businesses will pick a day to promote your fundraiser, and a percentage of their earnings for that day will go toward your cause. Churches can ask for donations on your behalf during service.

§  Personal Loans

§  If you’re struggling to afford a service dog, a personal loan can be very helpful. The downside of loans, of course, is not only that you have to pay them back but also that they will accrue interest. If possible, getting a grant or doing some fundraising can help reduce the amount you have to borrow.

It is very important to know what legal rights that individuals with service dogs have. Not only is it beneficial for the owners to know, but also for society to ensure that those with a disability can remain protected. Below are a few important facts to ensure the well-being, safety, and privacy are not being violated for those with a disability and who own a service dog.

§  When it is not obvious what service an animal provides, only limited inquiries are allowed. Staff may ask two questions:

§  (1) Is the dog a service animal required because of a disability?

§  (2) What work or task has the dog been trained to perform?

§  Staff cannot ask about the person’s disability, require medical documentation, require a special identification card or training documentation for the dog, or ask that the dog demonstrate its ability to perform the work or task.

§  A person with a disability cannot be asked to remove their service animal from the premises unless:

§  (1) The dog is out of control, and the handler does not take effective action to control it.

§  (2) The dog is not housebroken.

§  When there is a legitimate reason to ask that a service animal be removed, staff must offer the person with the disability the opportunity to obtain goods or services without the animal’s presence.

 Written By: Vita Lindquist

Procrastination

Procrastination is when we voluntarily delay something despite knowing that there are negative consequences for putting it off. Whether you are an occasional procrastinator or a chronic procrastinator, this behavior can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and feelings of guilt or shame, which can negatively impact mental health.

Why do we procrastinate in the first place? Well, there are a few reasons why we might do so, with one of the biggest reasons being the fact that we are trying to avoid an unpleasant feeling. You might feel nervous when you need to call and schedule a doctor’s appointment for yourself. You might feel bored when doing homework. Or maybe you feel overwhelmed when trying to tackle all the household chores that need to be done.

Regardless of the reason, there are a lot of consequences that follow procrastination, like experiencing a ton of guilt and dread while putting off a task and performing worse on those last-minute things because you have to rush to complete them.  Consequences for procrastination often involve trading short-term discomfort for long-term discomfort. For example, you keep putting off creating a presentation you must deliver because it’s anxiety-provoking. However, throwing something together last minute will likely cause you to experience long-term regret as it may not have been your best work- which causes you not to perform as well as you could have.

The end results can look different depending on whether a person is an occasional or chronic procrastinator. Individuals who occasionally procrastinate think differently than those who are chronic procrastinators. A person who does it occasionally might think, “I should have started working on that presentation sooner. Next time I will ensure I have it done the week before.” A chronic procrastinator, however, might think, “Well, at least I got it done!” In that moment, looking on the bright side will actually increase the chances for the person to procrastinate in the future.

Whether you’re a chronic procrastinator or an occasional one, Licensed Clinical Social Worker Amy Morin, shares five effective tips to help you start tackling something right away in an episode from The Verywell Mind Podcast (Friday Fix: How to Stop Procrastinating, 2023):

1.     Think about the uncomfortable feeling you’re trying to avoid. Spend a few minutes identifying the emotion you’re trying to avoid and ask yourself some questions (e.g., Will responding to these emails feel overwhelming? Will making this phone call cause me to feel anxious?). Simply naming the emotion can help reduce its intensity and help you recognize that facing the feeling isn’t as bad as you think!

2.     Think about the uncomfortable feeling procrastinating will cause. We all know that delaying your task will still cause uncomfortable feelings. Spend a few minutes to think about what the emotional cost will be if you keep procrastinating, as this will likely help you see that the tradeoff isn’t worth it and motivate you to push through the discomfort now.

3.     Talk yourself into doing it now. Our brains do a great job at creating a long list of reasons why we shouldn’t do something right now. Make yourself a list with five reasons as to why you shouldn’t procrastinate. Keep your list handy and read it over whenever you need to combat those excuses from your brain.

4.     Shift the way you think about deadlines. Our brains tend to categorize tasks into things that need to be taken care of now, and things that need to be taken care of later. Let’s say it’s April 3rd, and you find out that you are set to present something on May 15th. Chances are that your brain will tell you to not worry about it right now since you don’t have to present until May.  However, if the date was April 3rdand your presentation is on April 24th, your brain would be more likely to label it as something that should be tackled now since it is in the same month. This is where you can break a larger project down into smaller, more immediate goals. Using the same example, you could plan to get 3 PowerPoint slides finished week, even though you don’t have to actually present until later. Without these smaller and more immediate goals, you might end up pushing it off each week.

5.     Use the 10-minute rule. Worst case scenario, try using the 10-minute rule to get yourself going. Pick a task and work on it for just 10 minutes (set yourself a timer so you don’t have to worry about checking the time). Once the 10 minutes are up, you can allow yourself to quit if you truly want to. Typically, the hardest part is just getting started so it’s very likely to find that you’re willing to keep going.

References:

Friday Fix: How to Stop Procrastinating (episode 227). (2023, January 6).

 By: Erika Katzenmayer, MSW, LSW