Feelings and Meanings

Feelings and Meanings

Feelings such as sadness, loneliness, anger, love, and hopelessness are tied to some meaning in our lives. For example, if you are lonely, it likely means that connection is important to you. Feeling love means another person is important to you. Anxiety may mean that something important to you is in danger. 

It can be hard to put into words WHY you feel the way you do. Finding words to describe the feeling is easy, but why you feel an emotion is a little trickier to define. Below will help you work towards noticing and identifying your feelings, because understanding their meanings can help you live with a full range of emotions. Look for the meanings contained in your feelings.

Once we can identify these parts of emotions, we can make choices to change them. We can affect our overall emotional experience by changing any one or all of these five components. 

The Five Parts of an Emotion

Emotions have several parts to them. Often, we are not fully aware of them when we experience an emotion, but they are:

Sensations: Body reactions when experiencing an emotion. 

Example: When I feel angry, I notice that my heart beats rapidly, I feel my body getting tense, and sounds are more intense to me. 

Questions to ask: What sensations do you notice when you feel certain emotions? (Anxious, angry, sad)

Beliefs: A thought or belief that we have about what is going on in the moment. 

Example: That guy is so rude. He totally cut me off on purpose! 

Questions to ask: What thoughts do you have when you are feeling angry? Do you place blame? Do you think they or you are a bad person?

Goals: An emotion is about something. Finding that meaning is key!

Example: I may be angry because I am stuck in traffic, and I think I will be late. This thought may not be enough to make me feel angry. The goal is that I need to get to work on time. I am angry about traffic because it is getting in the way of my goal. I might not be angry or frustrated about traffic if I am indifferent about being on time. 

Questions to ask: Is this emotion triggered by your concern about being listened to, treated unfairly, or blocked in achieving something? Your emotions point to your goals. Dig deeper!

Behaviors: We all have a tendency toward some behavior related to the emotion. 

Example: In the case of anger, I might want to attack. I might also clench my fists, stomp my feet, throw things, or pace. 

Questions to ask: Look at your own emotions. What do you do when you feel certain emotions?

Interpersonal Tendencies: We may feel inclined to say something, seek out reassurance, clutch onto someone, or avoid people. 

Example: I might feel inclined to tell the driver that he is rude. When I am feeling anxious, I might turn to a close friend and seek reassurance. 

Question to ask: What do you do interpersonally when you have an intense emotion?

Here is an example of how to complete this activity at home. Feel free to pick as many emotions as you want and dive deep into WHY you have certain feelings.

Loneliness

Sensations

Beliefs

Goals

Behaviors

Interpersonal Tendencies

Heavy feeling in my body

I will always be alone

To feel connected

Withdraw from others

Seek out support

Feeling empty inside

No one cares about me

To feel cared about

Lie on the couch watching movies

Contact a friend

Check out this book for more great ideas to help you discover and understand your unique emotional type.

Don’t Believe Everything You Feel, A CBT Workbook to Identify Your Emotional Schemas and Find Freedom from Anxiety and Depression by Robert L. Leahy, PHD