Who Said Parenting Would Be This Challenging?

My parents made it seem like parenting was a piece of cake and provided me with no warning signs of the challenges that may lie ahead. Parenting is such an awarding experience but presents many ups and downs based on your child's age, temperament and personality. Parenting strategies that may work for one child may not work another. There are a couple main parenting concepts that are essential to creating happiness between a parent and child.

First and foremost, keep your emotions in check. Become mindful of what triggers your emotions. What buttons does your child push that makes you feel angry or frustrated? Before screaming identify the emotion and use breathing techniques or other tools that will be helpful in keeping calm. Screaming at your child is not going to get your point across about how you want them to behave. Think about what your child is learning from you as you scream at them. As a parent you are the most influential role model. Take your role seriously!

Clear Expectations: Clearly defining your expectations is key in helping your child understand how they should behave and what you expect from your child. Communicate to your child what is expected of them in an age appropriate manner. This will change based on the child's age and when your child gets older your expectations may need to be modified.

Consistency: you have to employ rules and disciple consistently through every challenge. If you are not consistent your child may not clearly understand your expectations. If one day you expect your child not to hit their siblings and they get a time out or something taken away and the next day they do the same thing but don't get disciplined this will send a conflicting message and the child won't understand how they should be behaving.

Both parents need to be on the same page with the same expectations and consistency. Otherwise your child may try to manipulate one parent and play off of both of you. Kids are smart and will do what it takes to get what they want. Parents need to support each other even if they don't totally agree with the discipline. You can discuss your approach later.

Overall, children strive on structure, boundaries and expectations. It may be difficult at first to establish these ground rules and basic practices, but once you do everyone will be happier! It is not always easy being a parent, but you are in control of making things better. You can do this!

If you feel you need additional guidance with parenting, seek a licensed counselor that can help you implement effective expectations, communication and consistency and hold you accountable for your parenting style!
 

Finding Balance & Making Time For Self-care

Many of us have so many responsibilities in our lives that we need to forget to make time for ourselves. Sometimes our lives can be so full of things that need to be accomplished, never ending lists that get checked off and then more tasks are added. Does it ever end?

In a fast pace lifestyle it can be very challenging trying to find balance and manage stress. Balancing being a parent, spouse, daughter/son, colleague, student can be overwhelming and cause a wide range of emotions. When we begin feeling overwhelmed, some individuals may feel sad, anxious, angry or irritable.

Each day presents its own challenges and it is very important to take a step back and make time for self-care. Self-care is important for emotional health, feeling balanced, and stress management.

Think of something that you truly enjoy and make time each week to do that something that makes you feel relaxed and happy. Everyone needs time to shut off their crazy, hectic schedules and focus on themselves.

Some self-care strategies for overall stress reduction include:

Getting enough sleep. Turn off your television and computer and go to bed earlier. This can be challenging because technology may be your only relaxation time at the end of the day, but we all need sleep in order to function the next day.

Maintain Social Support. Social support can be helpful in lifting your spirits, feeling connected, and feeling a sense of belonging. Family and friends can be a good listeners and may be able to help you process your thoughts and feelings when you are facing personal challenges.

Finding a Hobby. Having a hobby that you enjoy can make you feel happy when you are facing challenges. It gives you a time-out so that you can focus on something enjoyable. Having hobbies has been helpful for individuals and families to find balance and reduce stress. If you are unsure of what hobby you should do, think back to when you were younger and think about the things you enjoyed, it may be sports, dance, collecting something, making jewelry, art, music. Take some time and explore your options. Look at your local community (park district, churches, etc) and see what classes are offered.

Exercise & Nutrition. It is important to maintain healthy nutrition. This can be a big challenge when you are on the go and convenance becomes essential. Make healthy snacks you can grab from your refrigerator or pantry. Exercise is also important because it helps reduce stress, anger, anxiety, and depression. Exercise is important for both your physical and mental health. Make time, even if it is a quick walk around the block.

Process your Emotions. Keeping your emotions bottled up and not effectively coping with them can lead to an emotional explosion. Learn how to process your thoughts and feelings and identify ways to help you cope with your feelings. If you are unsure of how to process your thoughts and feelings, seek a professional counselor that can help teach you how to process thoughts/feelings and provide you with useful coping skills to keep your emotional balance in check.

Helping Your Child Cope With Anxiety When Going Back To School

It is that time of year again where your child/children are going back to school. It is challenging knowing that your schedule is going to change again and you are going to have to help your child adjust to the pressures of school, homework, and after school activities.

Some children worry about going back to school. Who will their teacher be this year? Will they know anyone in their class? Will they get bullied again? As a parent, how can you help your child cope with the anxieties of a new school year.

1. Having a Plan. Sometimes children worry about where their new class room is located or what bus they are suppose to take. Take some time before school begins to identify the new school plan/schedule and how to accomplish each task. Take your child to visit their school before the first day and show them where their classroom is or what bus stop they are suppose to go walk to. This will help relieve worries the first day of school.

2. Helping your child when they are feeling overwhelmed. After your child attends their first day of school, they may feel overwhelmed with expectations, homework, and adjusting to their new schedule. Talk to your child about what they are thinking and feeling and validate their concerns. Take time to help your child identify solutions to their concerns. Identify and discuss positive ways your child coped with their concerns in their past.

3. Practice Self-care. It is very important that during a time of adjustment that both parents and children take time for self-care. Make time to do something that you and your child/children enjoy. It can be challenging at first when your child has homework to do, but sometimes they need a couple of minutes to unwind and refocus their brains before they do their homework. Have a plan in place that both you and your child can agree upon of when a good time to do homework will be after school. Be consistent and follow through with the agreed upon plan.

If you feel like your child is struggling with anxiety beyond the first weeks of school, seek professional counseling services. Professional counseling can help understand what is triggering your child's anxiety and teach them ways to cope with their thoughts and feelings. It is important to address any concerns so that these challenges can be resolved and your child can have a great school year!

Coping With Anxiety

Have you ever woken up feeling nauseous in the morning? Have you experienced sweaty palms or feeling like your heart is beating out of your chest? Do you ever think that you just can't stop thinking about what if something happens? Do you have shortness of breath? These are all thoughts and feelings some individuals may feel when they are experiencing anxiety. Anxiety can be challenging to control and you may not know where to begin.

The first step in identifying whether you are experiencing anxiety or if there is an underlying medical condition. You may want to schedule an appointment with your general practitioner if you are unsure of what is going on in your body. Once you have a better understanding if you are actually experiencing anxiety, you will be able to start the process of finding ways to help you cope with your thoughts and feelings. The goal is to be able to identify what triggers your anxiety.

Journal. Journal what triggers your anxiety and the symptoms you are experiencing will be helpful in starting to recognize your patterns. Knowing your anxiety patterns will be helpful in identifying a treatment plan that will best fit your needs. It is important to start this process with a professional counselor that can help guide you and provide you support and recommendations. You do not have to tackle this challenge alone.

Breathing. Breathing… what is that? Sometimes we forget to just breathe and take a moment to relax and calm our body. When you start to feel anxious and recognize that you are experiencing certain symptoms, become mindful of what is going on in your body and begin your breathing exercises. One example of breathing is breathing for a 3 count. Inhale through your nose for 3... 1, 2, 3…. hold your breathe for 3... 1, 2, 3, and release your breath through your nose for 3...1, 2, 3. Repeat 10 times or as many times as you need to return to a better state of mind.

Positive Self-talk. How many times have you intensified your anxiety by thinking, "I am going to die," "I can't breathe," and you begin to feel trapped and out of control? Positive self-talk helps you take your thoughts when you are feeling anxious and reframe your thoughts to be more positive and in control. For example, let's say an individual is feeling like they are going to get stuck in the elevator. They may begin thinking: "I am going to be stuck in this elevator. I am never going to get out. I am going to die in here." If this individual was to use positive self-talk they would tell themselves: "I am not going to get stuck in this elevator and even if something happens where I am stuck, someone will be able to come help me. I won't be stuck forever. Everything will be okay." By reframing your thoughts to be more positive you decrease your anxiety and develop a solution that can help you during challenging experiences.

Above are some brief tools you can use to help you manage your anxiety. Contact a Professional Counselor that can utilize various approaches such as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy to help you take control of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in relation to anxiety or other mental health conditions. A counselor can also introduce you to more helpful tools and techniques that can help you manage your anxiety. It is important to find tools that can help you with your experiences. Each individual is different and what works for one person may not work for another.

Don't give up! There are many different solutions that can help you feel more in control of your anxiety.