Who Said Parenting Would Be This Challenging?

My parents made it seem like parenting was a piece of cake and provided me with no warning signs of the challenges that may lie ahead. Parenting is such an awarding experience but presents many ups and downs based on your child's age, temperament and personality. Parenting strategies that may work for one child may not work another. There are a couple main parenting concepts that are essential to creating happiness between a parent and child.

First and foremost, keep your emotions in check. Become mindful of what triggers your emotions. What buttons does your child push that makes you feel angry or frustrated? Before screaming identify the emotion and use breathing techniques or other tools that will be helpful in keeping calm. Screaming at your child is not going to get your point across about how you want them to behave. Think about what your child is learning from you as you scream at them. As a parent you are the most influential role model. Take your role seriously!

Clear Expectations: Clearly defining your expectations is key in helping your child understand how they should behave and what you expect from your child. Communicate to your child what is expected of them in an age appropriate manner. This will change based on the child's age and when your child gets older your expectations may need to be modified.

Consistency: you have to employ rules and disciple consistently through every challenge. If you are not consistent your child may not clearly understand your expectations. If one day you expect your child not to hit their siblings and they get a time out or something taken away and the next day they do the same thing but don't get disciplined this will send a conflicting message and the child won't understand how they should be behaving.

Both parents need to be on the same page with the same expectations and consistency. Otherwise your child may try to manipulate one parent and play off of both of you. Kids are smart and will do what it takes to get what they want. Parents need to support each other even if they don't totally agree with the discipline. You can discuss your approach later.

Overall, children strive on structure, boundaries and expectations. It may be difficult at first to establish these ground rules and basic practices, but once you do everyone will be happier! It is not always easy being a parent, but you are in control of making things better. You can do this!

If you feel you need additional guidance with parenting, seek a licensed counselor that can help you implement effective expectations, communication and consistency and hold you accountable for your parenting style!
 

Helping Your Child Cope With Anxiety When Going Back To School

It is that time of year again where your child/children are going back to school. It is challenging knowing that your schedule is going to change again and you are going to have to help your child adjust to the pressures of school, homework, and after school activities.

Some children worry about going back to school. Who will their teacher be this year? Will they know anyone in their class? Will they get bullied again? As a parent, how can you help your child cope with the anxieties of a new school year.

1. Having a Plan. Sometimes children worry about where their new class room is located or what bus they are suppose to take. Take some time before school begins to identify the new school plan/schedule and how to accomplish each task. Take your child to visit their school before the first day and show them where their classroom is or what bus stop they are suppose to go walk to. This will help relieve worries the first day of school.

2. Helping your child when they are feeling overwhelmed. After your child attends their first day of school, they may feel overwhelmed with expectations, homework, and adjusting to their new schedule. Talk to your child about what they are thinking and feeling and validate their concerns. Take time to help your child identify solutions to their concerns. Identify and discuss positive ways your child coped with their concerns in their past.

3. Practice Self-care. It is very important that during a time of adjustment that both parents and children take time for self-care. Make time to do something that you and your child/children enjoy. It can be challenging at first when your child has homework to do, but sometimes they need a couple of minutes to unwind and refocus their brains before they do their homework. Have a plan in place that both you and your child can agree upon of when a good time to do homework will be after school. Be consistent and follow through with the agreed upon plan.

If you feel like your child is struggling with anxiety beyond the first weeks of school, seek professional counseling services. Professional counseling can help understand what is triggering your child's anxiety and teach them ways to cope with their thoughts and feelings. It is important to address any concerns so that these challenges can be resolved and your child can have a great school year!

Helping Your Teen Overcome Bullying

It is no surprise how challenging life can be for a teenager. Teenagers have educational and peer pressure, hormones that effect their moods, and high expectations from family and friends. To top it all off, social media has created a whole new world for teenagers.
 
It is 2014 and teens are using apps such as Kick, Instagram, Facebook, Snap Chat, Ask and whatever else they can get their hands on that is "cool". This new tech savvy era has created a whole new dimension for bullying and peer pressure. Teens are thinking if I post a picture, how many likes will I get? I can see my friends are hanging out with some other of my friends, why wasn't I invited? And my favorite, anonymous posts telling them that they are ugly, slutty, and should "kill themselves". The pressure on teens to fit in has hit an all time high and not only is this effecting our teens but parents as well. This new lifestyle is presenting many difficult challenges and it can be hard to learn how to cope with these new developments.

Parents need to respectfully monitor their teens electronic usage. How much time is your teenager spending on their electronics. Try to identify a balance that will work for your teenager. I know it is important to stay socially connected to friends but there are also other important things in a teenagers life that need to continue to be balanced. Parents need to look at what content and pictures their teens are posting on apps. 

Talk to your teen about what is appropriate to post on various apps. Have the conversation with your teen about what they should and shouldn't post on their apps and also about what they are posting on other peer's pictures or walls. I get that parents can only control so much about what their teen posts or says to others but having them realize what is appropriate or not appropriate can be helpful in guiding them in a positive direction.

Cyber-bullying is a new phenomenon that is negatively impacting teens; ask your teen if they or their friends have ever been a victim of cyber-bullying. If something is posted to them that is hurtful and is a form of bullying, discuss the way it makes them feel and help them identify that what was said about them is not true. 

If you feel like your teen is being bullying on social media, limit their usage and discuss your concerns with a professional counselor. It is important to discuss their thoughts and feelings as soon as possible when bullying occurs in order to prevent other mental health issues.
 

Helping Your Child Cope With Chronic Illness

Not only do the parents need to learn how to cope with their child's chronic illness and provide unconditional love and support, but also they need to help their child cope with their condition.  Children with chronic illnesses often deal with more stress than other children.  Children with a chronic illness have to cope with "why" they have a condition, how come other children don't have what they have and why do they have to get painful injections, surgery, chemotherapy, etc.  Unfortunately, there are no simple ways to help your child avoid the stresses they experience when having a chronic illness but there are some ways parents can make the situation a little easier on their children.

• Listen: whether your child has a chronic condition or not, it is always important to always listen to your child.  What feelings is your child experiencing.  Does he/she feel sad, frustrated, angry or hopeless because they have a chronic illness?  It is valuable for a child to have an understanding that they can talk to their parents about how they feel and have their feelings validated.  
  • Ask how your child is feeling?  How was your day?
  • Explore their feelings...
  • Ask questions...
     
• Don't be afraid to talk: it is important to encourage open communication with your child regardless if you child has a chronic illness or not.  Having open communication with your child is key and will lay the foundation for their adolescent and adult years.  By not talking about  your child's chronic illness, you are creating ineffective communication patterns and masking feelings that need to be shared and explored.  Both you and your child are going through a very challenging experience and it is important for you to collaborate and work as a team.  By working as a team you will develop a strong parent and child relationship.
   
• Educate your child about their chronic condition: your child needs to know what their condition is all about.  If you think about how you felt as a parent when you were uneducated about your child's chronic illness, you know how the unknown can provoke anxiety, fear, sadness, and feelings of helplessness.  The same goes for your child.  If they don't know what their condition is, they will have very similar feelings.  The more you and your child know about the condition, the more empowered and in control you will feel.   
  • If your child is young, I would recommend researching children's books that can help explain their condition in an age appropriate manner.  These books can also be helpful during your child's school years so he/she can share the books with their classmates and teachers.  
  • Prepare your child for medical procedures so they know what lies ahead.  Learn ways you can help your child be distracted during procedures (i.e. sing songs, read books, use toys).  Distraction can be very helpful and alleviate some of your child's anxiety and fear.
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• Encourage your child to spend time with to other children with a chronic illness: your child may feel alone if they don't know anyone else with their chronic condition.  By spending time with other children with a chronic illness, they can learn from them and gain a sense of comfort in knowing that other children are going through similar experiences.  If you think about how alone you may have felt when you found out your child had a chronic condition, you can begin to understand how your child may feel when they are at school and there is no one else at school that has that condition.  They may feel isolated and uncertain and it is always positive to connect with others.
   
• Emphasize your child's strengths and boost their self-esteem: it is always important to express all of the wonderful strengths your child has.  The goal is to boost your child's self-esteem and ultimately increase their confidence.  Don't be afraid to let your child know how wonderful they really are!
  • What great qualities does your child possess?
  • Communicate to your child: "You did great at your baseball game today or way to get an "A" on your test."
     
• Help your child lead as normal a life as possible: just like you would do with any child, give provide your children with choices and responsibilities and don't forget to set rules, boundaries, limitations with both rewards and discipline.  Just because your child has a chronic illness does not mean they are off the hook and can do whatever they want.  Children strive on rules, boundaries and limitations, which contribute to their learning and development.  
  • Maintain family routines and traditions as much as possible.  Children also strive on consistency and routine.  When your child has a chronic illness, maintaining routine can be challenging, but the goal is to do the best you can.

Helping your child cope with their chronic illness can be challenging as a parent.  Most parent's wish they could wave a magic wand and their child's chronic illness would vanish and your child would not have to deal with the additional stress and challenge.  However, this is just not the case.  As a parent you are your child's role model.  So once you can accept that your child has a chronic condition, the sooner your can help your child cope with their feelings and accept it.  The goal is to work together as a family and overcome challenges together.  Remember, you are only human and can only do so much, but you do the best you can and that is what is important!